


Not Enough

by statictremors



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I think I have an addiction to angst, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-15 00:13:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13601451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/statictremors/pseuds/statictremors
Summary: Trust is a hard thing for Lena to put into someone.





	1. Chapter 1

“Lena, wait!”

Lena could hear the calls, but it didn’t stop her as she just continued to walk. Away from this apartment. Away from her friend. Away from the lies. Away from everything. But that plan changed when she saw a blur and suddenly Kara Danvers was in front of her, an apologetic look in her eyes. “I’m sorry, okay?”

Lena let out a dry laugh. “Oh, she’s sorry. Well, that makes everything better, doesn’t it? Never mind that it took her months to tell you, and even now she’s only telling you because you managed to find out on your own.”

Kara looked like she was already close to tears. It broke Lena’s heart in a way to see her like that, to be crying because of something to do with Lena. But right now, anger overtook guilt. She wouldn’t let that face change how she felt. “I was trying to protect you.” The hero pleaded, moving to take Lena’s arm.

Lena pulled back roughly. “No.” She said. “You don’t get to use that excuse. I’m a Luthor, I’ve had my fair share of assassination attempts. As much as you try to tell yourself the opposite, you did it to protect you. Because God forbid a Luthor ever be trusted.” 

Kara went pale at that. “No.” She whispered. “I trust you, Lena. I trust you so much. I know you’re good, I swear. I didn’t tell you because...”

Lena was almost tempted to listen until Kara gave her reason, but anger still pushed her forward. “What’s my full name?” She asked her friend. Well, ex-friend at this rate.

Kara looked at Lena in confusion. She paused for a moment before she answered the question. “Lutessa Lena Luthor.”

“How did I know Roulette?” Lena quizzed her next, and Kara’s answer was immediate. “You went to boarding school with her.”

Lena nodded. “What’s my favourite movie?”

Kara smiled at that. “Back to the Future. You always say it’s what made you a scientist.”

Lena almost automatically returned the smile, but then she regained control of herself again. “What is my greatest fear?”

Kara frowned. “Lena, I don’t understand....”

Lena gritted her teeth as she repeated the question, emphasising every word. “What is my greatest fear?”

Kara gave her a sympathetic look. “That you’ll end up like your brother, or your mother.” She said quietly. “That you can’t escape your last name. That it’s all you are.”

Lena nodded. “I don’t tell anyone that last one. A few people could answer those first questions, but no one could answer that last question. No one except for you, Kara.”

Kara opened her mouth to respond, but Lena held her hand up, silencing the Kryptonian as she continued to speak. “I don’t trust easily. I trusted Lex growing up and then he became this horrible man. I trusted Jack, and now he’s dead. And I trust you. Well, trusted. And you know why I don’t trust that easily. Because everyone always wants something from me. Maybe they want to use my money to get what they want. Maybe they’re like my mother and want to manipulate me to do their bidding. Maybe they want an inside look at Lena Luthor so they can expose her for how evil she truly is.”

She felt tears in her eyes, but she pushed herself through. She had to say this. “I finally managed to trust you. I trusted you so much, that I felt I could tell you anything. Anything. I opened up to you in a way I hadn’t done before. And it scared me, but I still did it because I knew I could trust you. And after all that, it hurts me so much to know I couldn’t be offered the same from you. Because just like everyone else in my life, you keep secrets from me.”

Tears ran down Kara’s cheeks, and Lena cursed herself for wanting to run over and grab her in the tightest hug. But she couldn’t. Not after this.

“So I can’t keep doing this, Kara. I can’t keep trusting people only to be let down. And I can’t have people in my life who don’t tell me everything, who hide secrets from me for reasons I don’t even know.”

This time Kara actually managed to cut her off, as she spoke with a forcefulness that made Lena feel like an idiot for never seeing the superhero when she looked into Kara’s eyes. “It’s because I felt something for you.” She said softly. “I know that isn’t an excuse. Of course it isn’t, but I need you to know why I didn’t tell you. I was terrified. I had never felt for someone the way I felt for you. And it all felt so new. And as much I wanted to tell you that, I couldn’t. Because I couldn’t be with you without telling you about my powers. And I was terrified of rejection. Being hated because of being Supergirl. Being hated because you didn’t feel the same way. I don’t know what one scared me more. But they acted as a clash to each other. I justified it in my head with the stupidest reasons. But I should have told you, Lena, I should have told you I’m Supergirl. And I should have told you I love you.”

Love. Not loved. Lena noticed that part at the very least. Tears began to roll down her cheeks as she spoke in a fragile voice. “I wouldn’t have hated you, Kara. I would have asked how I could help you as Supergirl. And I would have told you I loved you back.”

Kara gasped softly, and Lena saw it in her eyes. The same thing Kara surely saw in Lena’s eyes. A broken heart. A recognition of what could have been if only the truth had been told. But it was too late now. Lena couldn’t come back from this. It would not be the same between them. Whatever they had before, it was gone now. And Lena didn’t know what remained.

This time, when Lena turned to leave, Kara didn’t stop her. Wether she had given up now or was just frozen, Lena didn’t know.

She glanced back as she opened the door, and their eyes met for one more time. It was sad, Lena thought. Because in what could be their last moment seeing each other. Everything felt genuine. “I’m sorry.” Kara said softly, as she continued to cry for what she had lost.

“I know.” Lena said. “It’s just not enough.”

And as she closed the door, Lena Luthor felt whatever was left in her heart smash into a million pieces. And as she walked down the stairs, Lena Luthor felt herself saying goodbye to it all. And as her driver took her home, Lena Luthor felt herself imagining what she would do now that she was on her own again.

And as she finally got into bed, Lena Luthor sobbed as the heartbreak overtook everything else.


	2. Come Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Repercussions

Lena groaned in frustration as she saw the amount of work she still had left to do. It wasn’t even that the work was hard, it was that it was tedious. And Lena was bored out of her mind and she had no remedy for that. Because her usual cure for boredom was no longer in her life.

Two months. It had been two months since Lena had last seen Kara.

Well, to be fair, she had seen her. She had seen her every single time Supergirl saved the day, which really seemed to happen every couple of hours. But she hadn’t seen Kara Danvers. She hadn’t seen her best friend. The day she walked out on Kara was the last time they had truly spoken.

Lena had been tempted to try and get that friendship back. Of course she had. But every time she almost did it, there was a new story about Supergirl, and she remembered why she ended the friendship in the first place.

The media had managed to pick up on it all too, which made it all the more frustrating, article after article wondering why Lena Luthor seemed distracted at any press conference. Unfortunately, this had again been tied in to Supergirl, who seemed to have entered a funk. She would still save people, but then she would be gone without even a smile. 

The conclusion many reached wasn’t exactly surprising. Lena Luthor must have done something. And for whatever reason, she couldn’t be caught for it. She was distracted because she was focusing her mind in her evil plan. And Supergirl didn’t smile because she was determined to stop the monster. It didn’t matter that Supergirl told them Lena was a good citizen, they merely believed the conspiracy theory that she was being forced to say this.

She didn’t finish until 11pm that night. She didn’t really mind. She never had anything to go home to. Only a house full of false happiness. The only thing to bring s genuine smile to her face was gone. 

She should have seen it coming. Rumours had been building up over someone making an attack on her. She had even got a message from Supergirl. No, she had gotten a message from Kara. Offering protection. But Lena had turned it down. You could hardly call it protection when it destroyed you on the inside.

So when she came out tonight, she had been caught off guard when she heard the angry yell of her name. And as she had turned, she didn’t even have time to comprehend the bullet ripping through her stomach.

As she fell to the ground, blood beginning to flow, she could hear the footsteps of her attacker. Her soon to be murderer, at this rate. And then she felt a rush of wind that she knew instantly.

Great. Just her luck. She was either going to die, or she was going to be saved by the person she both loved and never wanted to see again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One word.

One word.

Alex had only heard her sister say one word since she had brought in an unconscious and bloody Lena Luthor as the superhero’s tears flowed like never before.

“Please.” She had whispered.

They had done absolutely everything they could. But Lena had lost a lot of blood. She had barely survived the surgery, and they weren’t even sure if she would wake up or just drift away. 

So now Kara sat silently by her bed. She was in civilian clothes now, apparently unable to wear the suit as long as it had Lena’s blood on it.

Everyone had noticed how different Kara was. But no one knew why. No one except for Alex.

She had been there for Kara the night Lena cut her off. Lena had held her sobbing sister, who cried out for her regrets. How she should have told Lena she was Supergirl. How she should have told Lena she loved her. And Alex had done her best to comfort her. Kara had fallen asleep in her arms only to cry the next morning. It had been painful to see, so Alex couldn’t even begin to imagine how painful it had been to feel.

Winn had tried to speak to her. J’onn had tried to speak to her. James had tried to speak to her. They all had failed to get a word out of her. Alex didn’t even try, because she knew what Kara was feeling. She knew she wouldn’t get a word out.

Kara blamed herself for this. She would be telling herself that if she had told Lena sooner, they still would have been friends. Maybe even more. And Lena wouldn’t have refused the protection. And Kara would have saved her. It would have been all perfectly okay.

Alex walked over silently, staring at the unconscious form of Lena Luthor. She was still so pale from all the blood loss. Alex had no idea if she’d ever wake up again. She wanted to believe that Lena could come back from this. It was Lena, who Alex had learned seemed to be extremely difficult to beat.

But she had an idea, and she had to say it.

“Talk to her.” She said softly to Kara. Her sister didn’t even look at her, but Alex knew she was listening. “Because even if she doesn’t want you in her life, I’m sure she still cares about you. You’re the most important person to her, Kara, wether you want to believe it or not. Just....just talk to her.” She left without another word, knowing there was nothing more to do or say.

Silence passed in the room for so long. Kara could hear Lena’s heartbeat. It was so faint. She would be crying right now if she hadn’t let it all out earlier.

“Hi.” She whispered in a soft voice. “I know that maybe I’m the last person you want to hear, but I don’t know what else to do. They’ve done everything they can, but now this is on you. You have to come back, Lee.”

She inched forward, taking the CEO’s hand. “I am so sorry for not telling you everything. You were right. I didn’t tell you because of my own feelings. I was scared about how you’d react. But seeing you like this....is so much more painful than I ever could have imagined.”

The sound of the machines could be heard anytime Kara stopped speaking. It felt so ominous. But Kara persevered. She wouldn’t give up now.

“I love you. You know I love you. You’re the first person I think of when I wake up. You’re the last person I think of before I go to sleep. And even if we can’t be together. Even if we can’t be friends, I’m always going to feel this way. And I accept whatever decision to make. But that means you need to come back.” 

She could feel the tears beginning to flow again, but she wouldn’t stop. If she stopped, she would never be able to continue.

“You have to come back because you have so much good to do. I know who you really are, Lena. You’re this amazing woman who just wants to do so much good, and who I know can do so much good. You’ll change the world in so many ways. You’ll be so much more than your last name. Because you’re Lena Luthor, the most amazing person I’ve ever met. And you deserve the world.”

Kara bowed her head. Then she heard two noises.

The first was a series of coughs as the woman in the bed stirred awake.

The second was spoken in a small and weak voice. Yet despite how weak it was, it filled Kara up with a million emotions.

“I love you too.”

Kara looked up, and saw something she had missed. But she didn’t realise how much she missed it until she saw Lena Luthor smiling at her again. “Hey.” She said softly. “How long have I been out?”

“A couple of hours.” Kara laughed softly, feeling relief flow through her at the fact that she hadn’t lost her. “Lena, I -“

“I know.” Lena interrupted. “You’re sorry. I heard your speech. And I forgive you, okay?”

Kara sighed softly. “Do you think we can go back to being friends?”

“No.” Lena said, and Kara would have felt her heart break if Lena hadn’t been smiling when she said it. “Because I love you, and I want to be more with you.”

Kara leaned in gently as Lena spoke. The kiss was soft, especially because Lena had still been shot only a few hours ago. But it was perfect. It was everything Kara had imagined and more. As she pulled away, she smiled again. “As much as I loved that, you should get some rest. But I’ll come see you as soon as I can, and we can maybe do that again.”

Lena chuckled. “That seems like a fair deal. Goodbye, Kara.”

“Goodbye, Lena.” Kara said, walking to the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow. And every other day I can get away with.” 

She heard the laugh because of how loud it was. But it was the whisper that she had to thank her superpowers for, since they allowed her to hear it.

“Every day for the rest of our lives.”


End file.
